Ode To Frog
by BookishTea
Summary: Eric Cartman gets help to ask his crush out on a romantic date. (Clydeman)


It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon, the sun was still high in the sky, resting on a canvas of soft blues and fluffy clouds. This was a perfect day, one that residents of South Park always yearned for. The town's entirety all seemed to be outside, whether it was playing basketball, strolling down the road, or having a picnic, no one wanted to miss the opportunity to bask in the good weather. But in reality, there was only one that wasn't enjoying the fresh air and sunshine.

Clothed feet aimlessly paced, turning around only when their owner reached a wall. Which always happened when walking in a bedroom.

Eric groaned, grasping handfuls of chestnut hair. Yanking did nothing but aggravate him further, with sharp flashes of pain dwelling from his scalp. But he continued doing it, why? Because apparently it was the only thing he could control.

"C'mon, Eric" he mumbled to himself, "you can do this. Think!"

His searched his mind for anything that could help, even the slightest idea he could work with. But alas, no matter how hard he thought, nothing was good enough.

 _Don't hurt yourself, sweetheart_ , said a feminine voice.

Sighing, Eric stopped for a minute and turned around. Polly Prissypants calmly sat on his bed, propped up by a pillow.

"Thanks for the concern, Polly."

Approvingly Polly's light blue eyes studied him, and Eric was sure he saw concern glisten from the buttons.

 _I worry about whatever you do, Eric. And even a smart kid like you can pull something._

Eric rolled his eyes, "I'll be fine."

 _She's right, you know. You can't force yourself on these things._

At the intoned chastisement, Eric jumped. He anxiously eyed the body seated next to Polly.

"Not you too, Clyde Frog!" The familiar plush figure took heed of his cry with a calm disposition, immovable as he looked on. Wildly Eric slid his gaze over to Muscleman Mark, "I know you won't betray me like the others."

It was a moment before Mark responded, _We'd never hurt you intentionally, but maybe you need to sleep on it._

"Why? I'm so close, I can feel it!"

 _You're running in circles, you need a break. You should try something else_ , which came from Peter Panda. Near the edge of the bed, Rumpertumskin hummed in agreement.

"But we've been through this!" Eric stomped his way over to his paint set, pulling the sheets of blank paper that hung from the canvas down. He flipped through art masterpieces made by hands dipped in paint, until he came across the list.

 **Super kewl plans to get luv:**

 **1\. bribe with money**

 **2\. give gifts**

 **3\. send pigeon with luv letter**

 **4\. serenade with song(get Butters to write)**

 **5\. threaten**

 **6\. food**

 **7\. bribe with money, gifts, food, then threaten**

"None of this will work!" Eric released his hold of the paper and plopped himself on the floor, lowering his gaze to the carpet. "I'll be alone forever."

 _Now don't be like that, Eric. You'll find love!_

"Thanks, Polly" he mumbled, sniffing loudly as he rubbed the side of his nose with a sleeve. "I just wish I could tell people how I feel like I do with you guys, that'd make things a lot easier."

 _That's it!_ Clyde Frog exuberantly cried, _Practice on me! That'll help you express yourself, act like I'm him!_

"You...you really think that'll work?"

 _Of course!_

"O-okay," Eric hurried to climb to his feet. He crossed over to his bedside, sitting on the edge and expectantly asked, "Now what?"

 _I'll pretend I'm the other Clyde, and you ask me out._

"Um...alright, hey Clyde-"

 _Hello, Eric. How are you this fine day?_

"I'm fuc-I mean, I'm feeling pretty good. I just got back from the gym."

 _Oh?_

"Y-yeah, I did like...a shit ton of gym stuff. I ran, lift some weights, did some stretches..."

 _I see, do you usually do a 'shit ton' of exercise?_

"Not really," Eric tensed and quickly tried to backtrack, "I'm just so ripped already...it isn't necessary...but..."

Clyde Frog silently stared back.

Eric cleared his throat, "Anyway, I was wondering are you..."

 _...Yes?_

"...busy later? We could hang out, like two normal dudes, doing dude stuff."

 _That sounds lovely, what exactly do you have in mind?_

"Movies..."

 _Any specific one?_

"Nah, I mean action movies are rad. Do you want to check one of those out?"

 _What a delightful idea!_ _Ah, but what time should I expect you?_

Eric shrugged, scratching the back of his neck, "7 pm, if that works for you...?"

 _Seven it is, I look forward to seeing you there...Aaaaaaaand end scene..._

A gush of air escaped Eric's mouth, the tension that bunched his shoulders was suddenly dropped. Desperately he faced his friends, "Be honest, how'd I do? It was shit, wasn't it?"

 _You did splendid for your first time!_ Praised Polly.

 _Anyone would be lucky to get you_ , rumbled Rumptumskin. Everyone nodded.

"Really? Is that true Clyde Frog?"

 _Every word, but if I were to make a suggestion? I think we should rehearse just a few more times, just to be sure._

* * *

 _Half an hour later_

"I can do this" Eric whispered. He took a few steadying breaths before he knocked, praying to God for mercy this day. After waiting several seconds, Eric was ready to leave when the door was unlocked then open.

The moisture in Eric's mouth left him, instead now it collected on his hands in a clammy layer.

Clyde blinked for a second, standing in the door frame with a bag of chips. His hands were stained a vibrant orange powder, and Eric fought to not stare at them.

"Hey Cartman, what's going on?"

"Um, hey Clyde...nothing much. You?"

The other boy's brow furrowed, "I'm just eating."

"Oh, cool cool...I do that too..."

Distantly they both could hear a bird calling, mingling together with the wind chimes moving from the chaste breeze, and families laughing. Clyde brushed his hair away from his eyes, unknowingly covering the locks with cheese dust.

"Look, Cartman, do you need something? I have my video game paused."

Eric shifted his weight around, "I do, I wanted...um..." Words seemed to fail him, and he was left clinging to nothing. He was drowning, and Clyde knew. He'd probably hate him after this, tell all of his friends about what a loser he was.

The corners of Eric's eyes began to sting, and he tried his hardest to quell the upcoming tears. Hope was about to be lost forever, then he heard a voice yelling from the driveway. He spun around, filled with such affection.

 _You can do this, Eric! We believe in you!_ His friends all sat in his wagon, awaiting with such pride as they cheered. Cheered for him.

Meanwhile Clyde peered behind Eric's shoulder, raising a brow at the sight of a little wagon carrying an assortment of stuffed dolls and animals.

"Thanks, guys!" Eric turned back to Clyde, standing taller as he squarely stared into the other's eyes. "Clyde?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"Do you want to come to the movies with me?"

Clyde's eyes darted from Cartman's bashful face to the wagon, "No."

The smile that had been on Cartman's face froze, and behind him he heard gasps echo. That is, until Clyde continued on, "I just went with Token and Craig, but I heard there's a new milkshake place. Wanna go there?"

"I..." a gentle feeling settled in Eric's stomach, "absolutely. How about 7pm?"


End file.
